Before I woke this morning the Moon had entered my 3rd House, in Capricorn & quickly squared my Sun, then an hour later, opposed my Mars. I woke grumpy, everything too much, my boyfriend grabbing me, then eating toast loudly in the bed, the dog barking. It was all too much. I crawled back under the duvet & tried to make it all go away.
Today I feel the crushing weight of depression all over me. I know it won’t last, I know I’m making it worse for myself but I can’t seem to stop the train. Still I’m here, I showed up. I made coffee. Lets see. I really don’t understand why I wake up like this some mornings (a lot of mornings), vibrational master teachers like Abraham Hicks say you wake up exactly where you left before you slept but I don’t feel like I’m in such a bad place before sleep. I enjoy going to bed, to sleep. It feels like my spirit doesn’t want to come back to my body in the morning. When I wake up & realise I’m here again, I think I just start that momentum going I suppose…. Is depression just lack of focus?
My period is due in 5 days. I used to start ‘suffering’ (over-sensitive, tearful, angry mostly, tired) up to 2 weeks before but since I’ve been on this journey of self-development, self-release, ascension, evolution I barely notice its arrival. Just spending a couple of days nurturing myself, having downtime & quiet. I like that the womenfolk in the villages used to go off to their own hut away from everyone & then bring back insights they’d received. I’d like my own hut. Somewhere warm. Getting back to that appreciation of the gift of being a woman, is not an easy road after the centuries of patriarchy with women left separated from their bodies and their femininity.
In Chinese traditional medicine, the blood is indicative of Qi, life force. The blood shed during menstruation can be different colours, thicknesses. This purging of blood from the body, what does it mean? As women birth the future, do we also release the past, not just for ourselves but for our ancestors, for everyone? Is this the primary function of the Moon & the feminine polarity? So many questions. If this is so, may each menstruation be given an intention & with that intention a more powerful release…..for me and therefore humanity? lets see.
I wonder if the main problem people have with using the Law of Attraction to manifest is because the ability to receive, to magnetise (the feminine negative principle) is blocked….
I just climbed back out of bed & put some red lipstick on, I think its helping. Lets see.